if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Pooping to opera.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
