pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
