the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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