nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
don't judge my taste in strippers
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
