There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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