how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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