Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Randomize
