If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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