The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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