Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
