I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
