Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
