I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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