Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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