see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
