Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
