cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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