And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
MIDGETS
????
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
