He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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