nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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