Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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