Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Randomize
