it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
