there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Let's get the cat blown out
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
