I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.