Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls