Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.