Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He passed out mid-signature
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Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
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we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just had sex on a roof