I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.