Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
