Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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