Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
