why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
