Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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