Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
