There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
