to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
