I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
