I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
