the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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