Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
