I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
