How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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