I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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