This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
