I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
