i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize