i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Green mimosas i think yes
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
