I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
