did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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