Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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