you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My ATM looks so different sober.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
