whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
