you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
