there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
