I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
