There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
