Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
