I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
