the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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