Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
