Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
