New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
