Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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