I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
