went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
