There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
