Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
