What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
