We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
