Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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