His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
