yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
