dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
