the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
