pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
