SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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