Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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