i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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