She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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